Kol Ami Guidelines for a Kehilla Kedosha (an Ethics Code)

I. Introduction: Kol Ami, Our Community

We are a small, welcoming, and egalitarian Reform congregation located in Kirkland, Washington. We nurture an atmosphere of openness and friendship, encouraging members of our community to plant or transplant Jewish roots. We are empty-nesters, LGBQT individuals and families, interfaith families, Jews by choice and by birth, visitors, and anyone who’s interested in discovering, rediscovering, or affirming Judaism.

To affirm the values of our community we are instituting these Guidelines for Creating a Kehilla Kedosha (sacred community), designed to provide all individuals in our community respect and dignity.

II. Guidelines for Creating a Kehilla Kedosha

We respect the majority and minority opinions in our community. Our sages remind us of the importance of retaining multiple points of view, Eilu v’elu divrei Elochim chayim, as “both ‘these’ and ‘those’ are the words of the living God.”

We remember to embrace others in the room and to see the B’tselem Elohim, the unique face of G-d, in every person we encounter.

We listen with an open heart, recognizing that we are here to learn from each other.

We listen and speak respectfully about controversial topics, helping grow our individual and community understanding. Our sages believed that disagreements that were conducted L’shem Shamamyim, “for the sake of Heaven,” produced more constructive, richer solutions.

We are bound together by ahavat Yisrael, our love for our people and Israel. We have also inherited an appreciation of machlochet, or disagreement that has productive and lasting value.

We focus on our goal of building trust among our members and within the larger community, even as we acknowledge honest disagreements.

When speaking and asking questions we remember to recognize the space we take up and embrace tzimtzum, the idea of contracting to allow space for others, so all voices can be heard.

We manage personnel, discipline and other issues requiring privacy with complete confidentiality. We will not share that information.

We will speak from our own perspectives and understandings.

When we disagree with someone, we will express our own perspectives and understandings, and will not blame, attack, condemn, or speak for others in the room.

If we feel upset by something we have heard, we take responsibility for managing our emotions and our responses. We will aim to ask a clarifying question, or ask for help from the meeting leader. If our response has caused harm to the meeting or to an individual in some way, we will do what can to repair that.

Individuals will clarify whether their viewpoints are personal or if they are speaking on behalf of Kol Ami, the staff, or the board.

We will have kind and respectful interactions with our Rabbi, the board, and Kol Ami staff, recognizing that they have many tasks to perform. We will make appointments at mutually convenient times (and places if necessary). We will not behave in a way that is bullying or rude. If a congregant is dissatisfied with the response from any of these Kol Ami representatives, congregants can contact any member of the board to discuss their concerns.

III. When we miss the mark

We recognize that conflict may arise from time to time. If we are unable to resolve the conflict as individuals, we will address it with a conflict resolution process. We recognize that such conflict may occur between members (for the purposes of these Guidelines, this includes friends of Kol Ami), members and staff, members and the Rabbi, or staff and the Rabbi.

Each person, regardless of their role in the community—including the Rabbi, board members, staff, etc.— is expected to live by these Guidelines within the context of their relationship with the Kol Ami community.

If you observe or experience something that doesn’t live up to these Guidelines, please report this to any board member or the Kol Ami administrator (for referral to a board member). If appropriate, the board may take formal action and consequences could include:

Warning the person or persons concerned
Temporary or permanent exclusion from Kol Ami activities
Revoking membership

In all cases the board will follow up with the person who reported an issue and inform them of the resolution.

Adopted by the Kol Ami Board and Rabbi Kinberg 2/2024